Randy and I have been married for seven years, during which he maintained a mistress for the same duration.

After I became pregnant, he cleanly broke off with his mistress and returned to our family life. He cooked for me, took care of me, and accompanied me to prenatal checkups.

However, on the day his mistress married someone else, he lost his senses and disrupted the wedding publicly.

They embraced tightly; their faces filled with joyous smiles. Mocking myself, I went to the hospital the next day for an abortion.

By the time Randy arrived, the procedure was done, and I handed him the divorce papers. Choking back tears, he said, “Susana, you’ve given up on our child, are you giving up on me too?” I closed my eyes, whispering, “Randy, it’s been seven years. It’s time I gave up on you.”

01

“Are you sure you don’t want this child?” the doctor asked me again if I was certain about the abortion as my phone lit up with messages from Randy:

“Honey, I’ve ended my business trip early, I’ll be home tonight.”

“Aren’t you excited?”

“Have you been vomiting a lot these days without me?”

“What do you want for dinner tonight? I’ll cook,”

“Or would you prefer to eat out? I know a new steakhouse that’s really good,”

“Not responding?”

“Honey, are you asleep or just feeling bad?”

“Little troublemaker, making things so hard for your mom”…

Each message showed Randy’s concern for me and his anticipation for our child. Pregnancy had made me nauseous, and he would cook for me.

He was there at every prenatal appointment, wanting to be involved in our child’s life. He seemed like a good husband, a future good father.

But who could have imagined that he would disrupt a wedding? That he would hold another man’s bride tightly and vow never to part again.

Did he think of me then?

Or our unborn child?

As my screen kept lighting up, I placed my phone face down, no longer wanting to look.

Taking a deep breath, I told the doctor, “Yes, I don’t want this child.”

The doctor advised me to check into the hospital the next day for the abortion, but I went home first.

Upon entering and changing my slippers, I was enveloped in a warm embrace.

“Honey,” Randy’s deep voice resonated above me.

“Just five days apart, and I missed you so much… Did you and the baby miss me?”

Before I could speak, he kissed my cheek. I stiffened and instinctively began to struggle.

Strange.

The embrace I once missed now felt repulsive. Sensing my distraction, Randy grew displeased.

He tightened his grip around my waist and kissed me on the lips.

At that moment, the sharp, cold pine scent mixed with a bit sweet perfume overwhelmed me, reminding me of yesterday when he disrupted the wedding and deeply kissed Lexie, saying, “I almost lost you, Lexie.” And, “Baby, we’ll never be apart again, we’ll always be together.”

Lexie had been his mistress for the seven years we were married, through breakups and reconciliations. She cried intensely, beating on his back, lamenting, “Why did you only come now? I was so close to marrying someone else.”

They embraced and kissed in the rain, like the protagonists of a romance novel. Onlookers, unaware of the truth, took photos of the handsome couple, capturing the romance.

And there I was, Randy’s wife, like an outsider, standing in a dark corner, secretly watching their happiness.

Thinking of Randy’s embrace, which held another yesterday and me today, made my stomach turn.

I bent over, retching. Randy quickly supported me, asking with concern, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I pushed his hand away, managing a forced smile.

“Honey, didn’t you mention a nice steakhouse? I feel like having steak.” Randy immediately smiled, gently ruffling my hair.

“Sure, anything you want.” The steakhouse Randy mentioned was near a university campus. He chose a table by the window and ordered two steaks like a regular—well-done for me, medium-rare for himself.

After the steak arrived, he carefully cut it into small pieces, removing the tough parts. “Honey, you can’t eat raw meat while you’re pregnant,” he said as the waitress serving us commented enviously, “Sir, you’re so considerate to your wife!”

I smiled but remained silent, watching Randy across the table. I remembered he never ate beef, or anything raw or undercooked.

Once, I had my friend Julia buy a bluefin tuna for him to try as sashimi. He didn’t even glance at it before tossing it away, coldly stating, “Susana, I don’t eat raw food. Haven’t you remembered that after all these years

02

Randy sent me home, unaware that I followed him as soon as he left. Lexie, an internet celebrity, shared her profile picture featuring a kitten raised with Randy. It was thanks to this avatar that I discovered Randy’s infidelity.

Once during a video call while he was on a business trip, a fluffy little cat appeared behind him, unexpectedly adorable but with a notably short tail due to an injury, making it distinctly recognizable.

“Honey, where did this kitten come from?”

“A colleague’s,” he answered casually, but this casual exchange led me to discover his affair. Later, I stumbled upon a video of this cat posted by a blogger named Sakura, whose avatar was the same kitten.

Randy’s colleague?

I visited her profile, eager for more videos of the kitten, but was shocked as Randy kept appearing in her posts. Initially, it was just a corner of his clothes or his watch. Gradually, his full figure appeared, and there were photos of them holding hands during Tanabata, and eventually, images of them kissing in bed.

Scrolling further back, the earliest post, dated seven years ago, showed Randy just after we got married and when he took over the family business, full of vigor. He was giving a lecture at a university where Lexie, then a student, was hosting him. Her caption read, “Getting close to the boss!” What followed were daily posts of a university girl boldly pursuing her crush. I finally understood where Randy spent those missing holidays and anniversaries and grasped the trajectory of their relationship.

Two months ago, they broke up. Sakura then posted a month-long diary of her heartbreak until one day, she was no longer sad and announced her upcoming wedding, which was yesterday. Her latest post from last night showed two hands clasped together, wedding rings on their middle fingers, captioned, “For the rest of our lives, we’ll never part.” Just now, a new update appeared — “The blue tears did not disappoint, as traceable as the Milky Way, so are you. Happy reunion.”

I watched from a distance for a long time as they kissed. I stayed until they left hand in hand before mocking myself with a smile on my way home. The house was cold. This was the marital home for Randy and me, yet I was often alone. As I packed for my hospital stay tomorrow, it was nearly midnight, and Randy had not returned. An hour earlier, he had messaged that he wouldn’t come home tonight. Before my pregnancy, it was common for him not to return at night. But in the two months since he broke up with Lexie, except for business trips, he spent every night with me. Once accustomed to his warmth, I could no longer tolerate the previous coldness.

Randy, why did you give me hope only to disappoint me? I pulled out the ultrasound image, tenderly touching the tiny figure with little hands and feet, tears dripping down. It’s been three months. My child, it’s not that I don’t want you. But to bring you into a world where you wouldn’t have your father’s full love would not make for a happy childhood. I grabbed my suitcase and headed for the door. Before leaving, I left him a note he’d see if he came home: “Gone to stay with a friend for a few days, do not disturb.”

As I started the car, I couldn’t help but wonder if Randy knew that tonight was his last chance to save this child, to save us. Would he regret it? The next time we meet, it might just be to finalize our divorce…

03

Early the next morning, I went to the hospital to process the admission formalities. Coincidentally, I encountered Dr. Zhou, who had been helping me with fertility treatments for years. She greeted me with a smile, “Congratulations! After all these years of trying, so many injections and medications, you finally got what you wished for. Your husband must be thrilled.”

“Three months along, right?” She glanced at my barely noticeable belly, her face expressing genuine joy.

“Yes, three months,” I replied with a strained smile.

Her smile deepened. “Three months is stable,” she commented. However, her brow furrowed when she noticed the hospital admission notice in my hand. “Why are you being admitted? Is something wrong? Do you need my help?”

Looking into her concerned eyes, I felt a sudden pang in my nose, fighting back tears as I shook my head. “Dr. Zhou, I’m here for an… abortion.”

Dr. Zhou’s expression turned serious. “Why would you want an abortion if everything is fine? Is there something wrong with the baby’s development?”

“No, it’s due to personal reasons,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Dr. Zhou sighed, her face showing pity. “This child was not easy to come by. You’ve been coming to me for pregnancy consultations for about seven years, right? I remember the first time I saw you, holding your husband’s hand, begging me to help you conceive. You know this might be your only chance to get pregnant.”

“Does your husband know about your decision?” she asked softly.

I shook my head faintly, and from her knowing look, I could tell she understood.

She patted my shoulder, her expression full of sympathy. “Child, if your parents knew how much pain you’re in, it would break their hearts. If it were any ordinary parent, they’d be furious at the man causing their daughter such suffering.”

But I have no parents. Randy is the only family I have in this world. He gave warmth to an eighteen-year-old who lost her parents, and at twenty-one, he gave me a home. Over the years, as his career took precedence, he increasingly neglected me. I don’t blame him. I always thought, if we had a child, would it anchor his heart? Would that cold home then have some warmth?

The reality proved me right. I’ll never forget his ecstatic reaction when I told him I was pregnant. He lifted me and spun around joyfully, exclaiming, “Honey, I’ve never been this happy before. I’m going to be a dad!”

I also can’t forget the joy I felt inside when I discovered he had broken off with the other woman for the sake of our child, our family. But I was wrong from the start. Infidelity has only two measures: none or countless, and it’s never forgivable. The moment Randy kept a mistress behind my back, our future ended.

I know all too well how hard it is to keep this child. The endless injections, the medicines, the tests, the hospital visits, not to mention the disdain from Randy’s parents. But I cannot, for the sake of this child, tie myself to the wrong person for the rest of my life. I must be my own person first, before I can be anyone else’s.

04

I had assumed that Randy would quickly notice my absence from home, but I was wrong. After three days in the hospital, he hadn’t called once. This indicated that he hadn’t been home at all during this time, and therefore hadn’t seen the note I left for him. Lexie had returned, and he had reverted to the distant man he once was.

“Bed 12, here is your medication for today,” said the nurse as she handed me three small white pills, which I swallowed quietly. These pills would easily end the life growing inside me. The nurse advised me to walk around after taking the medication to help it take effect. As I walked through the hospital, I unexpectedly saw two familiar figures in the distance. My husband, whom I hadn’t seen in three days, was accompanying another woman to her medical appointment. Lexie’s face was filled with grievance.

“Baby, won’t you stop blaming me, please?” Randy pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly impatient. “You’ve gone too far this time, Lexie.”

“You know about my wife…” he started, but Lexie burst into tears before he could finish.

Throwing herself into Randy’s arms, she pleaded, “Baby, don’t leave me… I’m just scared of losing you again.”

Randy sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, his expression softening. “As long as you don’t provoke Susana, I won’t leave you.”

Lexie nodded obediently, though her eyes betrayed her resentment. Wiping her tears, she took Randy’s hand with a hopeful expression. “Baby, I want to go to Disneyland. We can’t get married, but we should at least plan a honeymoon trip, right? Just one day, it won’t interfere with your next prenatal appointment with her.”

“Alright,” Randy indulged her, touching her nose affectionately.

Considering the dates, tomorrow was supposed to be the day Randy accompanied me for my prenatal checkup. I mocked myself with a smile. I thought I no longer cared about him, but seeing this scene, my heart still ached, and my abdomen began to throb slightly.

Realizing the medication was taking effect, I sat down on a chair as waves of pain washed over me, causing my body to tremble and sweat to break out. Once the pain subsided and I looked up, I saw Lexie standing in front of me with a smug smile.

“My boyfriend has gone to get the car. Do you mind if I sit here?” Without waiting for my reply, she sat next to me, tilted her head, and introduced herself with emphasis on certain words. “Nice to meet you, I’m Lexie, Randy’s fiancée.”

“Randy and I have been together for seven years; you must know that by now. You should also know that he’s spent Valentine’s Day, Tanabata, and New Year’s Eve with me over the years. On your seventh wedding anniversary, he spent the entire day with me while you, poor thing, cried and hoped he would be with you.”

Her triumphant smile was full of ambition. “You really can endure a lot! If I were you, I would have left long ago.”

I turned to her, enduring the increasing pain in my abdomen, and said coldly, “Are you done? If so, please leave.”

“This is a hospital; what right do you have to ask me to go?” Lexie raised her voice in challenge.

I gave a wry smile. “You’re telling me all this because you know you’ll never be able to marry Randy. As long as we’re not divorced, you’ll always be just a mistress hiding in the shadows.”

Lexie stood up abruptly, her chin lifted as she looked down at me condescendingly. Stomping her foot, she snapped, “You’re just relying on that piece of flesh in your belly. Without your pregnancy, he wouldn’t want to see you at all! Just so you know, I’m trying to get pregnant. Once I am, Randy will definitely divorce you!”

Whether or not Randy would have a child with her or divorce me became irrelevant as my abdomen began to hurt severely. The room darkened before my eyes, and I couldn’t hear Lexie’s words anymore. Another wave of intense pain came, followed by a warm flow beneath me.

Unable to hold on any longer, my body weakened, and I collapsed from the chair. With the last of my strength, I grabbed Lexie, begging her to call a doctor. But she was already overwhelmed by the scene, mumbling, “It wasn’t me… It wasn’t me…” and ran off without looking back.

05

I fell into a coma. Amidst the haze, countless people in white and blue uniforms surrounded me. Many unfamiliar and panicked voices rose around my ears.

“So much blood!”

“How could she be bleeding this much?”

“Quick, go call Dr. Zhou, tell her there’s a patient with severe bleeding, she needs urgent care!”

Soon, I heard Dr. Zhou’s voice. She grabbed my hand, her usually composed self now shouting anxiously, “Susana! Can you hear me speaking?”

I wanted to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt like they weren’t mine, heavy and burdensome.

I tried to raise my hand, wanting to tell her I could hear, but I couldn’t lift it.

Dr. Zhou’s voice rose again: “Get her into the operating room, quickly!”

“Good girl, don’t sleep! Hang in there! I will save you!”

As the medical team moved me onto the operating table, blood continued to flow loudly.

“Prepare gauze and scissors, pack the uterus!”

“It’s not stopping! Doctor, the bleeding won’t stop!”

“How much blood has she lost?”

“Two thousand milliliters…”

“Open her up! Prepare to ligate the uterine artery, suture…”

Time passed, maybe only a few minutes.

I heard the beep of machines, along with the anesthesiologist’s cry:

“She’s bled 3500 milliliters! Not good, the patient is in shock!”

Then came more chaos.

More tubes were connected to my hands.

Panicked voices said, “Dr. Zhou, we can’t stop the bleeding!”

“She’s lost too much blood! Why didn’t the person with her call us sooner?”

“Director, consider a hysterectomy.”

Dr. Zhou angrily retorted, “No! She hasn’t had children yet! We can’t remove the uterus unless absolutely necessary!”

“Transfuse blood! Ask the blood bank for more blood!”

“Director, we now need a blood donation certificate for transfusions.”

“Where are the family members? Where is Susana’s husband? Tell him to donate blood!”

“Call the family, quickly! If they are late, the patient might not make it!”

Randy…

He must be on his way to Disneyland with Lexie…

“Doctor, we can’t reach him…”

“Keep calling!”

“It’s still not going through…”

“Keep calling! What could be more important than saving his wife’s life?”

Eventually, I didn’t know if they ever reached Randy.

My strength was draining away.

My body no longer felt like my own.

Just before I lost consciousness completely, I thought I heard Randy’s frantic, bewildered voice.

Almost hoarse, calling my name:

“Susana—”

Endless darkness enveloped me, my eyelids were incredibly heavy.

I heard the beep of machines and Randy’s voice.

He was angry, loudly rebuking someone.

“Why did she have a miscarriage? Who gave you the audacity to abort my wife’s pregnancy without our consent?”

“Why is she bleeding so much? She was right here in the hospital!”

“Why wasn’t it discovered in time? Did you have to wait until she was critically bleeding to save her?”

“You’ve killed our child! Wait and see, I will sue your hospital into bankruptcy!”

He asked why over and over.

Anyone listening might think he truly cared about his wife.

But the doctors there had all been part of the resuscitation.

An indignant doctor retorted, “Sir, please calm down.”

“We would never administer abortion drugs without the patient’s own signature.”

Randy laughed out loud as if he’d heard a joke.

“What are you talking about?”

“How could my wife possibly come here for an abortion on her own?”

“Do you know how much medication she took to preserve the pregnancy? How many injections?”

“This is the child we’ve waited seven years for, how could she possibly not want it?”

Then I heard a doctor show him something.

It must have been the consent form for the abortion I had signed. Randy glanced at it, saw my signature, and suddenly flew into a rage.

He furiously tore the consent form to shreds.

He grabbed the doctor by the collar, shouting: “Did you forgot this, didn’t you?”

“How could she love me so much and then go abort my child?”

“Let me think, what’s the penalty for forging signatures?”

I couldn’t listen anymore; I so wanted to wake up and tell him it wasn’t the doctors’ fault.

It was I who didn’t want our child.

But no matter what, I couldn’t open my eyes.

All I could hear was his fists, pounding again and again on the doctor.

Until another familiar voice arose—

“Randy, stop! If you don’t stop, I will call the police!”

The moment this voice spoke, two tears uncontrollably streamed down.

It was my best friend Julia who had arrived.

Julia stepped forward, grabbing the out-of-control Randy, and kicked him hard. “Randy! How dare you blame the doctors?”

“Don’t you understand why Susana wanted an abortion? Let me tell you!” she continued.

“It’s because she knew about your cheating long ago! You scum, you’ve made her suffer so much. If you don’t love her and don’t care about her, why didn’t you let her go earlier?”

Randy stumbled, his last bit of hope extinguished.

Still not satisfied, Julia kicked him again, saying coldly, “Randy, if I had been even a little later today, Susana would be dead.”

“I ask you, when Susana was bleeding out and urgently needed family to donate blood, where were you?”

“I was…” Randy’s pupils suddenly constricted, and he fell silent.

The room was so quiet, only the beep of the heart monitor could be heard.

And then, with great effort, I squeezed out a hoarse voice, “You were with Lexie.”